I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
