Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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