he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
