do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
