Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
