So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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