I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
