I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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