you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
pray to the hookup gods
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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