i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
