She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
