Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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