The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
