I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
