Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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