Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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