It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
