So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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