I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
