I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
