Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
