I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
