So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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