I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
soo... how was my night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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