i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize