you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
