I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
