I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
