woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
