a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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