Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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