yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
