The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
