I wanna bring you to show and tell
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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