If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
