Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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