sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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