Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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