i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
