i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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