So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
