you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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