Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
