Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
