My brain says no but my pants say off.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
why is half of my head shaved?
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