i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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