dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
