Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
