A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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