Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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