Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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