Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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