i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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