do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
