The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
