What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
