It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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