I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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