Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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