we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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