Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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