I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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