i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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