He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
