Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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