Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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