girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
