Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
