last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
