i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
