Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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