Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
