he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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