I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
