I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
