You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
