I met the friendliest cop last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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