just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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