Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
