I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize