i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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