I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
