My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
