I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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